Say Cheese! The moment in time is captured. Copies are printed, emails sent to friends and family, and the photos posted to Facebook. How often do we look at the “happy”, “smiling” pictures of others and struggle with the thought that their life looks so much better than mine? 

I often think about the days when photography was invented, and how authentic it began. No one posed with an insincere smile. It took so long for the flash to go off that people were captured in their natural state. We look at those pictures today and wonder why were they so unhappy. I don’t believe they were necessarily unhappy, but that they had not yet been taught to “smile” for the camera.

What’s worse, I recently saw a new commercial that advertises a computer program that will completely reconstruct your family photo and give each person a smile even if they didn’t have one in the photo. The reason this upsets me is it a symptom of the bigger problem. Creating an image for others to adore, even if it is far from honest.

Whether we want to admit it or not, we all want others to believe we live “the good life.” We want to be seen as successful. I’m not saying that no one is really “happy,” in today’s posed pictures, only that we need not invest our contentment in the thought that someone might be happier than us. “Oh no, what are they doing? Maybe I should do that too, and I’ll be happier and more successful….just like them.”

“American Me” mentioned how our need for others approval can distract us from God. In the same way, our focus on others and the life that we are convinced is better than our own is a major roadblock on the road God has each of us on, individually.

I have been a part of relationships that were difficult, as we all have. There have been times when I felt as if “things” were the focus of those relationships, rather than building a loving, trusting bond with others. I would inevitably buy a home, car, receive recognition in some way, etc. Soon I would begin to feel a tension in these relationships.

We all have those people in our lives that want nothing but the best for us and rejoice in the good times and cry for us in the bad. We also have relationships with people that have difficulty accepting any new addition in our lives unless they can achieve equal or better, immediately.

This puts a major strain on the relationship to say the least. There were times that I would try to minimize or underscore anything new in my life, in order to not rock the relationship. I was willing to sacrifice the “stuff” to preserve the relationship. I didn’t want “things” to get in the way of my relationship with others.

I can’t say that it did much good trying to minimize my life as far as making the other people feel better. When I began to realize it was a heart issue, is when I began to see things differently. Where our treasure is, so is our heart.

I see many Christians that have become so focused on trying to be a cool and relevant Christian that their priorities slowly shift from God to materialism. I believe the most relevant thing we can do as Christians is to be an example to others of how to follow God even if it is less than glamorous at times.

I don’t want the things in my life to ever keep me from intimacy with others, especially God. I knew that the possessions in my life didn’t create my happiness, so I didn’t want to lose relationship over something that was just a “thing.” I began to see that there were others with that same heart and mindset. In these relationships I have found a common bond with others who value and share the same priority.

James 4:1-10 states: What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don't you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God. Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the spirit he caused to live in us envies intensely? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: "God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.

The problem with wanting what others have is that it is never enough. Once you reach a certain level of “success” then you are now in competition with a completely different set of people. A wealthy man once told me that he had many rich friends that never felt they had enough because the millionaires they socialized with had even more millions than they did. They may drive a BMW, but their friends had Bentley’s.

As mentioned in “American Me”, we each want to be known as ____. Maybe it is the best-dressed, best chef, public speaker, Dr., Christian, musician, leader, Mom/Dad, spouse, daughter/son, etc. It is human nature to look at someone we admire and try to emulate what we see.

The problem is, we sell God short in the process. We try to follow the path that someone else followed whether it was a God ordained path or not. If they are rich and successful and they did x, y,z…then I will too. If we truly believe that each of our names is written in the “lambs book of life,” shouldn’t we believe that God has a very specific and incredible plan for each of us?

God wants better for us that we want for ourselves. When our heart is after God then the true blessings of life are appreciated. Health, relationships, intimacy with God and our spouse become more valuable than the Bentley.

I often see Christians who sincerely want to help others and minister in some way. Often they feel led to start a church or non-profit. Someone inevitably starts to tell them the 1, 2, 3’s of what they “need” to do in order to “make” this happen.

I believe wise counsel from others who have been before us is awesome, however, what I see more than not, is leaders trying to franchise the name of “God” like the name “Gap.”  When we turn God into a formula then we shouldn’t wonder why the Holy Spirit is absent from so many churches today.

The Holy Spirit leads each of us individually in different ways. We can’t lead the Holy Spirit. We need a diversity of Holy Spirit led groups, not a masthead of the next ____ that was successful for someone else. God is very creative, so we don’t have to duplicate. He is capable of creating anything that He desires. The question is are we willing to follow Him even if we have to wait on Him and His plan, rather than making our own happen now?

Most of us know deep down that the life shown in the pictures is very rarely as glamorous and joyous as the image shown. We are shocked everyday to find out someone we admired is not as picture perfect as we believed. Whether that person is a neighbor, celebrity, public leader, etc. there are certain people that we raise to a level of superhuman in our minds.

It is the norm in today’s American society to try and create that image so that others can admire us. We are to blame for creating the “image” just as much as the person idolizing that image. 

While many in other countries are just struggling to survive, we seem like spoiled Americans that either have too much time, or resources and need to try and make up for what we couldn’t accomplish in High School. Let’s grow up in God’s word and stop trying to prove ourselves to others.

Public and spiritual leaders “fall from grace” everyday. I get very upset when I see and hear people act disgusted and shocked. Somewhere along the way, they convinced themselves that this person was less capable of sin than the rest of us.

We watched their image or “portrait” and decided who that person was, or better yet, who we needed that person to be for us.

In effect, those same leaders feel they need to measure up to the image that others see. They are no longer the vulnerable open people they once were. They become guarded and concerned about others seeing their flaws and becoming disappointed. They are isolated from getting real help with their struggles.

We put that person in a place of “god-like” immortality that they never should have been. When they fall we want to wipe ourselves of their filthiness. We can’t handle the thought that we admired someone so dirty. I believe it is our own embarrassment that causes us to treat them and speak of them badly. We are all capable of horrific sin until the day we leave this earth. We are more prone to sin every single day, than anything else.

Bottom line, we are all to blame for this cycle of dysfunction. The only one who will never disappoint is God. Let’s put leaders in the respected places, but understand no one has arrived. No one has it all figured out. We are all living, growing beings, doing our best here in this fallen world.

Luke 10:20 “However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

When I think of people I admire today, it is usually kind, loving, selfless, joyful, faithful, optimistic, compassionate, and trustworthy people. Interestingly, not one of the traits above requires any money to acquire. Also, I’ve never found these traits to be genuine and enduring in someone who didn’t trust and follow God before men. So when we admire those traits, we are ultimately admiring God and what He has done in that person’s life, not what that person has done for their own life.

Many today envy the person with the pomp and flash in their lives. They strive to have what their idol does. However, I truly believe that the more flash and fancy things we possess, the bigger barrier there is between us and others. Some people may admire you for your stuff, but it may be unlikely they would choose you as a true role model for their children. So in essence, the very things that we strive for, so people will admire us, are what can keep us from what we want most…..unconditional love and authentic relationship.

God has enough goodness to go around, we don’t need to envy someone else’s.